My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
