is your mom at the bar?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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