Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
