Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
