Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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