Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
