I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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