this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
