remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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