I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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