Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
