i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
