I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
