my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
