I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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