I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
