so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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