I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize