Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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