So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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