so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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