I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My penis needs a shock collar
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize