When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
