Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
