Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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