did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
