ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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