He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
