those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
