Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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