i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
