this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
