worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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