Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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