are you so shy because you have an std?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
