I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just crazy horny about you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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