its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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