I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
