are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
