Will you blow on my dice?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
