i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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