Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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