Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
