I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
