You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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