is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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