apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
