We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
