I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
