I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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