Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
