Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
