i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
