my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize