I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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