This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
