he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
