Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
