first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
