the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
