some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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