What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
