She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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