tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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