If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
