This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
