He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
