Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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