If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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