It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
