I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize