I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
