I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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