I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
