this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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