I wish I could punch you in the face.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
