When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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