sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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