he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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