my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
